We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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