Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
