Farmville is her only friend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
