Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
