That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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