I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
