Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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