Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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