i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
