I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just high enough for therapy.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
