Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I had to cum in my sink.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
