I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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