dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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