he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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