i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
