Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
