just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
