Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
