I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
