Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
