to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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