well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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