I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
