I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
