i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
