He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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