yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
