and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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