So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
