return my video game
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
