Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
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she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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