I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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