I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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