so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
