I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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