i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
