Nicole vs. Life
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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