her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
