I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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