i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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