i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
