Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
