so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
