Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
