I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Vodka?
Forever.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
