listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
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A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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