You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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