He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
