Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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