yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
