the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
