giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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