My room smells like vodka and shame
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
