Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
