Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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