We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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