Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
