You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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