now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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