Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
