sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My balls are so social today.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
