I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
