The maid of honor just puked.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
whose parrot is this?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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