Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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