At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
