I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
