Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
