there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
