Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Define "chronic" masturbator.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
