Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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