It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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