That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Randomize
