you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
