who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
