so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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