my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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