I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
