Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
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Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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