Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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