I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Found the puke drawer
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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